PostHeaderIcon Merry Offensive Holidays And Crappy Greetings To You, Scumbag

"You and yours can take your "merry Christmas" to hell before you stick it where the sun don't shine."

I would rather someone throw the above (oxymoronic) statement at me than to use the ridiculously politically correct statement of the times. Heads-up: this is my annual rant about the disingenuous tidings people will throw at you because they are scared to death you might twitch the wrong way. I say to those people: get a clue. Better that they just keep their mouths shut and not say anything at all.

If I wish you a "merry Christmas" and you don't like it - so what? If you are one of the politically correct spineless weasels who are offended at everything, GTFU and reevaluate your principals and priorities in life.

Warning: this is a passionate pet-peeve of mine and I tend to get rather vitriolic in it. I'll try real hard to keep it toned-down and presentable for you.

The most condescending thing you can say to me (or anyone, really) during this time of year is the ridiculously phrased "season's greetings!". I mean, think about that for a minute, will you?

Season's greetings.

What exactly does that mean, anyway? Greetings I get. It simply means "hello" in a more jovial way. But the "season" part I don't get. I mean, the season is winter. So is this supposed to be a "winter's greetings"? Then why don't you give me a likewise greeting the rest of the year: "summer's greetings!" or, "autumn's greetings!"

This time of year where three major holidays occur within the span of a few weeks is not a "season". Winter, spring, summer and autumn are "seasons." And "Fall" is a lazy way to say autumn for goodness sakes, it's not a season!

So, to "wish" me a "joyous season" or "season's greetings" is a slap-down against my intellect and rather condescending. It's you trying to sound all nice and considerate when in reality you're just trying to placate me in the most insincere way possible, because I'm not worth it to you.

Then there's "Happy Holidays!"

M Linden (Mark Kingdon,) CEO of Linden Lab posted a short, simple blog entry to wish everyone on the Second Life grid a "happy holidays."(1)

If you wish me, personally, a "happy holidays" then you are obviously an atheist who is scared-to-death at the very mention of anything more specific. "Holiday" is a contraction of "Holy Day"(2) ("holi" being the original spelling way back when - besides: proper grammar dictate a single vowel followed by a single consonant creates a long-sound in the vowel.)

So, if you wish me a personal "happy holidays" I will respond with a "happy Holy days to you also!"

Notice how I mention "if you wish me a personal..." Because in the case of M Linden's blog post, and other instances where you are sending good tidings to a large group of people, I believe "happy holidays" is exactly the appropriate wish. But I don;t think that phrase works very well on a personal one-to-one greeting.

The best greetings for this time of year in my opinion is the tried and true "Merry Christmas" and "Happy Hanukkah." (Sorry you Kwanza folks - we all know that's a fake synthetic holiday that isn't really a holi day - but good for you who observe it, I have no problem with that.)

However, most people get the whole "merry Christmas" and "happy Hanukkah" thing backward. I do not wish Jewish people a "happy Hanukkah" - because I don't feel sincere enough when I do that. By wishing such it feels more disconnected, like I'm saying "Hey, happy whatever the hell you practice and observe, makes no difference to me, but so long as it thrills you, go for it."

No, I wish Jewish people a "merry Christmas". Why? Because it is what I practice. It is a joyous time for me. And it seems to me and feels more sincere to wish upon you, that which is joyous and wonderful for me. And since I am wishing for a merry Christmas for myself, I want to share that joy I feel with you.

If someone who observes Hanukkah were to wish for me a "happy Hanukkah" - I am honored and most thankful as I know they are wishing for me the same joy they hope for themselves.

And to me, that is a sincere greeting.



1. Mark Kingdon (a.k.a. "M" Linden). Happy Holidays All. 2009. Linden Lab Blog. December 21, 2009.

2. Multiple. Etymology of Holiday. Unknown. Web Site (Wikipedia). December 21, 2009.

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