Socially|Mundane

So, who is more wrong, a person cheating on someone or the cheated person who discovers the cheat?

We've all heard about how people 'game the system' - especially with classifieds and the events calendar in SL. But what about when people 'game' each other? We all know how hot and heavy emotions can get in SL. And when they get hot and heavy in negative space, duck and run.

I hope not to insult anyone's intelligence, but we all know there are two basic camps in SL. Those who immerse themselves into a fantasy world - whatever that world may be, and those who view SL as simply another tool to extend who they really are. Sometimes the two will clash, but not always. For the most part, we seem to all get along quite happily.

Now, in the immersion world, A.K.A. 'Role Play' - many misunderstanding can take place. After all, when your sole means of communication is written text, there just isn't much to go on and most (myself included) are not very good writers, especially on-the-fly the way live chat will require.

Hence, there is so much missing from our standard means of communication. There is no body language, no facial expression and, without voice (as most role players choose not to use it) not even simple voice inflection.

This means you must try your best at following the old adage of 'say what you mean and mean what you say'. The problem is that most of us are always 'reading between the lines' whether we realize it or not. Far too often do we take a statement to mean something it was never intended to mean, or out of the intended context.

Then there are those who do use voice. Far less miscommunication happens there, but it does still happen. And many times those using voice don't use it exclusively. When that happens, see above.

We've all seen the cliche "SL is SL and RL is RL, never the two shall meet" in so many profiles. Especially in the "1st Life" tab. However, feelings and emotions are real in SL and sometimes that mash-up does happen. Even rather willingly for those who consider SL simply a chat tool, instead of an immersible role-play experience.

So I've managed to find myself closer than I want to be to what is likely not a very unique scenario in SL and the emotions were definitely hot and heavy, in every sense of the words.

Now, granted, this is all from my perspective and understanding. But let's just consider it hypothetical in jest, shall we? Now, as we all know, there are many, many factions in SL. The BDSM world, the Furry world, The Gorean world, The Families (children) worlds, The Star Trek/Star Wars/Battlestar Gallactica/Insert Sci Fi here worlds, the (insert fetish) world and so on.

In this case, we'll just say it's a "Owner/owned" scenario.

Boy meets girl.
Happens often in SL, right?

Boy notes girls profile: Recently released :(
Boy begins talking with girl. She's a little down in mood, but otherwise okay.
Boy and girl chat for a few days, get to know each other.
Girl eventually submits to boy and they become item and relationship begins.

All is good in the SL universe.
Mostly.

They talk and real life is no big secret. They each know where they are in the real world and how they got there. It turns out they are on opposite sides of the planet. Both citizens of the same country, but she is 'overseas' as her job requires. But "time-zone differences are not an issue" because she has unusual sleeping habits and telecommutes - so she is in world all the time and there won't be any problems there.

He spends a lot of money on her (which is stupid as there are a lot of 'gold diggers' out there.) They live happily ever af...

Well...

Three days later, he gets IM'd that (her collar reports) she has 'run away' - and more similar messages from other accouterments she wears as part of her costume in their relationship. A single message directly from her is "Sorry, the time-zones are too out of sync, it won't work."

It turns out her previous owner, whom she had either left or was kicked-out from has demanded she return. She does. Even after she discussed with the 'new' boy how much they (original owner) hated each other.

So they talk off and on for the next month in IM. He tries to convince her to leave him because it's not good for her. Regardless if she comes back to him or not. She eventually leaves the 'original' and returns to the 'new'. She's in a bad way. Emotionally a wreck. It's likely affecting her physically. Over the next couple months they prosper.

She gets well again. She's happy. He's happy. They start what turns into a highly successful business. She builds and he scripts. They share the business and they are inseparable. Always together and happy - constantly. When he arrives in world, she immediately comes to him or, sometimes immediately offers teleport to bring him to her. They allow each to 'map' the other, even becoming official 'Partners' in SL and everything.

All is Shan-gri-La.

Then it happens.
It's Christmas day, 2007.
He comes in world and gets a Christmas greeting from her... but that's it. She doesn't pop to him or offer a TP to her. In fact, she's very slow on her IM replies and not responding, except little snippets of one or two word sentences. Like she's wanting him to leave her alone.

She's asked what she's up to. Her reply is 'oh, nothing.'
Asked again and again - the only 'complete' message that comes through after much prodding is "Up to nothing. Helping a friend decorate his new club. Out with friends. Everything is fine. I'll be with you soon. I need space." She never does return to him after a few hours, by the way.

She's turned off mapping capabilities, doesn't say who these mysterious new friends are, refuses voice calls and is very slow to respond to IM's - so slow it is quite obvious she is highly distracted and involved in something deeper than 'helping decorate' a friend's new club.

Under the circumstances, if this were your partner...

What would you think?
What would you do?

So... in the short of it, she is discovered 'cybering' and 'playing' with someone else. Okay, in SL a pixel is a pixel, and everything is a cartoon. But if it's voice cybering with someone else... is that really a cheating tryst? What about his learning of it - is that a 'stalker'?

She discovers he discovers she is cheating. She explodes in fierce anger. Breaks their partnership, removes friendship, basically cuts all cords. Her complaint is that she's "freaked out" that he "stalked and hunted her down" (this IS SL, by the way.) She claims she was with a friend - having fun creating 'blackmail' naughty pictures for kicks. He says it wasn't he who found her cheating, but a friend. She sys it was an alt of his.

Merry F*ing Christmas, love.

As for me - I don't care the reason, she's cheating on him. As for the 'stalking' claim - please. You allowed mapping of each other. Suddenly you're so secretive that you turn off mapping and refuse to answer any questions and the like? And then you are 'freaked-out' that he actually suspected something was up and wanted to know what? Okay, the word "stalking" and "Second Life" just don't seem to fit. But, I digress.

So... even if she's right that it was an alt of his and she was only 'goofing around' - who's more wrong? He for 'hunting her down' with probable cause or she for doing the cheating in the first place, even if it was only 'goofing around'?

Honestly, to me - she was.

Sp, she dissolves the partnership, unfriends him, basically cuts all cords and relations whatsoever. He's devastated, would prefer they stay together. (Stupid idiot. Pay attention to the red flag, with you?)

But I guess it's all moot now.

Maybe they haven't kissed, but they have made-up. They continue to run the business together. She builds, he scripts. She now has low-cost personal land equaling more than a quarter of his sim. She has said she wouldn't trade any of their experience together for anything and he's "a good friend" and he feels likewise.

He's since found another girl and she chooses to remain solo and has expressed she doesn't care about his new relationship one way or the other. Perhaps not Shan-gri-La, but fair enough. They are both apparently happy and the world turns.

Update: well, apparently she has gone to him for many needs and assistance in her prim building, security systems, store management, and whatever else she has questions about or needs assistance with.

In one of her IM's she wanted to make a request for something, and he asked her to get back with him a bit later. It turns out he was 'enjoying time' in his new relationship. Apparently, her feelings of 'not caring one way or the other' wasn't entirely true. The conversation explodes. Suddenly she is on the attack and he tries to brush it off just to let it die... until finally he explodes, too. (I've seen the exchange. Note 'red flag' above.)

So, now she has banned him from her personal land (on his own sim) - she exclaims that he is not to have anything to do with the store and that she plans to tear it all down at the end of the month, customers-be-damned. Demands he leave the store groups (they are both owners of the groups) and that he stop selling anything he has that is based on her design (that she built and he has scripted) and then bans him from the store land (on his own sim) even though he still has objects for sale. She returns all of his in-progess projects whether she created the prims or not. and then takes the "I'm a victim" angle in everything she says.

Okay, is there something wrong with this picture?
Not as much with being banned from land on a sim he owns, but rather with her reaction and subsequent activities and attitude. I reiterate: red flag, glowing very very brightly. I suspect if they were in the same room, he'd be dead by now.

A fit of jealous rage, perhaps? I certainly think so.

I believe she has... erm... 'issues'.

After all, she's the one who called it quits the first time. Yes, this part of the story is strictly my own comments and definitely from my perspective and opinion.

To her: Lady, give it up. You are the one who ended the relationship when he didn't want to. He has someone new and you apparently can't stand the thought of being replaced. So, you don't want him, but no one else can have him? Grow up, please. You cut the cords... twice. You make decisions in the middle of a silly, jealous rage and act on them. The way I see it, the only one who will end up getting hurt in it will be you. So I recommend you step back, take a few deep breaths and actually think about what you're doing. And don't act on decisions made when you are angry. Only fools and idiots do that.

To him: Sir, move on and leave her behind. Give up and stop trying to be so nice and amicable and all that crap. If you want to let her continue her store and personal land on your sim, go for it. But keep your distance. She wants her cake and to eat it, too. You'd be wiser and happier if you simply didn't allow that to happen.

Yes. I take his side in it. You have to know these people to understand why. And, there is something going on in her personality that causes her to become seriously angry and vindictive. Also, making decisions in the midst of a raging mood is probably not the wisest thing to do.

She is an angry person at heart. Seems to hate everything. Newbies, people who buy the same clothes she does, all other skins other than the ones she buys - but then hates people who wear what she wears, All music except what she likes, All style of clothing, except what she likes... No grey areas here. It's either love or hate. No in-betweens. And if you're wearing something she doesn't like, she'll pile you into that and not like you, too.

Unfortunately, her friends will suffer until it becomes and endless cycle of making new ones and then losing them, and then making new ones to replace the ones she's lost until she loses them and has to make... You get the idea. I'll say this: she has my pity.

To both of you: just go your own way and leave each other alone. Personally, I'm tired of it and I don't want to lose friends. But if a friendship is going to cause me stress and grief, I simply don't need it. It's easier to just move on and start new friendships, leaving all the old, stressful ones behind.

So - welcome to Linden Place, where The World Turns and everyone Searches For Tomorrow. No serials here, please. Lets just let this story end without any sequels. Please?

Now I'm really curious... is he really wrong here? or she? perhaps both. but if that's the case, who's more wrong?

OH! And here's the funny thing in this whole drama: I am dead-certain the whole episode began with a simple miscommunication.

Careful how you live your Second Life. It can get very real and be a little too much like First Life. What do you think?